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Father of the Bride (1991)

by Frances Goodrich and Albert Hackett.

More info about this movie on IMDb.com


FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY


SCENE 1

GEORGE
I used to think a wedding was a simple affair.  A boy and girl meet, 
they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say "I do."  
I was wrong.  That's getting married.  A wedding is an entirely 
different proposition.  I know.  I've just been through one.  Not my 
own.  My daughter's.  Annie Banks-MacKenzie.  That's her married name.  
MacKenzie.  I'll be honest with you.  When I bought this house 
seventeen years ago, it cost me less than this blessed event in which 
Annie Banks became Annie Banks-MacKenzie.  I'm told that one day I'll 
look back on all this with great affection and nostalgia.  I hope so.  
You fathers will understand.  You have a little girl.  An adorable 
little girl who looks up to you and adores you in a way you could never 
imagine.  I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine.  How 
she used to sit in my lap and lean her head against my chest.  She said 
that I was her hero.  Then the day comes when she wants to get her ears 
pierced and she wants you to drop her off a block before the movie 
theater.  Next thing you know she's wearing eye shadow and high heels.  
From that moment on, you're in a constant state of panic.  You worry 
about her going out with the wrong kind of guys, the kind of guys who 
only want one thing--and you know exactly what that one thing is 
because it's the same thing you wanted when you were their age.  Then 
she gets a little older and you quite worrying about her meeting the 
wrong guy and you worry about her meeting the right guy.  And that's 
the biggest fear of all because then you lose her.  And before you know 
it, you're sitting all alone in a big, empty house, wearing rice on 
your tux, wondering what happened to your life.  It was just six months 
ago that it happened here.  Just six months ago that the storm broke.

SCENE 2

GEORGE
(VO)
Annie had been studying for her Masters in Architecture for the past 
semester in Rome.  I remember I was work walking through the factory.  
I own a company called "Sidekicks."  We manufacture athletic shoes.  
Anyway, I remember how preoccupied I was that day.  

WOMAN
Sorry, Mr. Banks.

GEORGE
My fault, Grace.

GEORGE
(VO)
Annie had never been that far away from home and she was due back any 
minute.  I couldn't wait to see the kid.

OLIVIA
George, she landed!

GEORGE
My daughter.  Been studying abroad.  Been flying for eleven hours.  I'm 
not wild about her being in the air.  You got kids, Juan.  You 
understand.  It's better when they're on the ground.

GEORGE
(VO)
I've always been a concerned parent.  I'm big on car seats, seat belts, 
bed times, curfews, calling when you get somewhere, never running with 
a sharp object.  What can I say?  I'm a father.  Worrying comes with 
the territory.

OLIVIA
Is Nina picking her up at the airport?

GEORGE
Yeah.

OLIVIA
And you're going to meet them?

GEORGE
Yeah.  I'm going home right now.  Where are my keys?

OLIVIA
Here.  And sign this.

GEORGE
Okay.

OLIVIA
Hat.

GEORGE
Okay, thanks...Oh, and this.

OLIVIA
Bring her by.

GEORGE
Okay.  Bye.

SCENE 3

GEORGE
(VO)
I left work early because I had a little something to pick up for 
Annie's homecoming.  We live in a small town in Southern California 
called San Marino.  I love this town, and not just because it's the 
kind of place where people still smile at each other but because it 
hasn't changed much in the past twenty-five years.  And since I'm not a 
guy who's big on change, this town fits me like a glove.  I got Annie's 
ten-speed all cleaned up and polished.  New seat, new tires...I 
couldn't wait to show it to her.  This is our house.  24 Maple Drive.  
Annie was just in grammar school when we bought it.  A few years later, 
we got a surprise package.  Our son, Matt.  I love this house.  I love 
that I taught my kids to ride their bikes in the driveway.  I love that 
I slept with them in tents in the backyard.  I love that we carved our 
initials in the tree out front.  This house is warm in the winter, cool 
in the summer, and looks spectacular with Christmas lights.  It's a 
great house.  I never want to move.  But the thing I think I like best 
about this house are the voices I hear when I walk through the door.

SCENE 4

NINA
Hey!  Hi.  You got out early.

GEORGE
Where is she?

NINA
Oh, uh, she's unpacking.  She looks so fabulous.  Just fabulous.  
Different.  Anyway, she can't wait to see you.

GEORGE
Different?

MATT
Ciao, Papa!

GEORGE
Hey!

MATT
Annie brought me this candy bar all the way from Rome.

NINA
And let's not get it on our American furniture.

GEORGE
Matty!  The hightops!

MATT
Hey, grazie.

GEORGE
Hey, you're welcome.  (TO NINA):  What do you mean, different?

NINA
Oh....

GEORGE
Annie.

ANNIE
Hi, Dad.

GEORGE
Hey!

ANNIE
God, I missed you!

GEORGE
You look...all lit up inside.

ANNIE
I feel all lit up inside.

NINA
Maybe we should go to Rome for a few months, honey.

ANNIE
Oh, you two would love it.  It's the most romantic place on earth.

GEORGE
You smell pretty good, too.

ANNIE
Oh, you like it?  It was a present.

NINA
Doesn't she look incredible?  I almost didn't recognize her.  Come on, 
dinner's on the stove.  (TO GEORGE):  Honey, you want to come?

GEORGE
Oh.

SCENE 5

GEORGE
All right, now that we're all back under one roof, we have some very 
important items to discuss.  First on list, who wants to go to the 
Lakers game on Thursday?

MATT
Me!  Definitely, yes!

GEORGE
Okay, and with your busy schedule, too.

NINA
Honey, I can't.  I have inventory to do that night.

GEORGE
Oh...

ANNIE
Uh, Thursday?  Sure.  Absolutely.

GEORGE
Okay.

NINA
Matty, use your other fork.

GEORGE
Number two.  Paul Simon's coming to the Forum and I think I can get us 
great seats.

ANNIE
Um...yeah...sure.

GEORGE
All right, Paul Simon is an "um...yeah...sure," which I believe 
translates to a "yes."  

NINA
Oh, um, honey?  Could you please get that bottle of wine in the fridge 
for me?

GEORGE
Sure.

ANNIE
Dad, wait...um...I don't know.

GEORGE
You don't want to see Paul Simon?

ANNIE
No...I do...It's just, um...

NINA
What is it?

ANNIE
Well...

NINA
Is something going on?

ANNIE
Yes, it is, Mom...uh...God, this is a hard thing to tell 
parents...especially when you're my parents...Oh, God!

GEORGE
Honey, just say it.  What's the big deal?

MATT
Yeah.

ANNIE
Okay!  I met somebody in Rome.  Um, he's an American.  Uh, he's from 
L.A., actually.  And um, his name's Brian MacKenzie.  And he's this 
completely wonderful, wonderful, amazing man, and...well, we starting 
seeing each other, a lot...and, um...we fell in love.  Ha!  Ha!  It 
actually happened!  And, uh, we've decided to get married...which means 
that, I'm engaged!  Ha!  I'm engaged!  I'm getting married!  HA!

MATT
Congratulations!

ANNIE
Thank you.

NINA
Oh!  My!  My!  Oh, so, oh my...and that's your engagement ring, huh?

ANNIE
Yes!  Yes!  We got it at a flea market outside of Rome.  The guy we 
bought it from said that it's at least a hundred years old...So, Dad.  
Stop it.  Say something.

GEORGE
I'm sorry.  What did you say?

LITTLE
ANNIE
Dad, I met a man in Rome.  And he's wonderful and brilliant, and we're 
getting married.

ANNIE
Mom, what's he doing?

NINA
George?  George?  George?  What is it?

GEORGE
Well...this is...this is ridiculous!  You're too young to get married!

ANNIE
Too young?  Dad, I'm twenty-two.  If I'm not mistaken, that's a year 
older than Mom was when you guys got married.

GEORGE
That is absolutely not true!

NINA
Oh, no...you're absolutely wrong.

GEORGE
You were this age when I married you?

NINA
No.  I was younger.  I was this age when she was born.

GEORGE
That...that doesn't matter.  Times have changed.  Your mother was 
mature...and twenty-two isn't what it used to be...Matt, would you turn 
on the air conditioner?  It's hot in here.  I thought...I thought you 
didn't believe in marriage.  I thought it meant a woman lost her 
identity.  I thought you wanted to get a job before you settled down so 
you could earn money and be your own person.

ANNIE
All right, hold on.  I didn't think I believed in marriage until I met 
Brian.  Brian's not like any other guy I've ever known.  I want to be 
married to him.  And I'm not going to lose my identity with him because 
he's not some overpowering, macho guy.  He's like you, Dad!  Except 
he's brilliant.  He happens to love that I'm going to be an architect.  
He wants me to design a house for us to live in.  He said he'd move 
anywhere I got a job.  Give me a little credit, George.  I'm not going 
to marry some ape who wants me to wear go-go boots and an apron.  I'm 
telling you, you'll love him.  He's a genius.  And sweet.  And I love 
him more than anything in the world.

NINA
What does Brian do?

GEORGE
Who's Brian?

NINA
Oh!

GEORGE
I forgot his name! 

ANNIE
He's an independent communications consultant.

GEORGE
Independent?

ANNIE
Yes.

GEORGE
That's code for unemployed!  This is perfect!  You meet an unemployed, 
amazingly brilliant non-ape that I'm going to have to support!  I 
suppose I'm going to have to hire him and fire some hard working guy 
with three kids because my son-in-law, the "independent communications 
consultant," can't get a job anywhere else!  No wonder he'll move 
anywhere you get a job!  You're not getting married and that's it and 
that's final!  And I don't like you calling me George!  I mean, when 
did this start?

ANNIE
Daddy, what is wrong with you?

GEORGE
What?  Are you telling me you're happy about this?

NINA
George, please.  Would you stop acting like a lunatic father and go out 
and talk to her before she runs out that door, marries this kid and we 
never see her again!

GEORGE
All right.  Kid?  How do you know he's a kid?  He could be forty-five 
years old.

SCENE 6

ANNIE
An independent communications consultant does mean he's an unemployable 
non-ape.  Brian happens to be a computer genius.  Companies send him 
all over the world hooking up these complex systems.  Major banks and 
corporations send him to Tokyo and Brazil and Geneva.  He's a genius.

GEORGE
You mentioned that.  How old is this genius?

ANNIE
Twenty-six, not forty-five.  You guys still think I can't hear you when 
you're one room away.

GEORGE
If you love him so much, I know I'll love him, too.  Brian?

ANNIE
MacKenzie.

GEORGE
Brian MacKenzie.

ANNIE
Yeah.

GEORGE
Can't wait to meet him.

ANNIE
Good, 'cause he'll be here in an hour to meet you.

GEORGE
I suppose you're not in the mood for a little one-on-one?

ANNIE
Daddy, I'm wearing heals.

GEORGE
Come to the right place.

*Annie and George play basketball.

GEORGE
You're not really getting married, are you?

ANNIE
Dad, stop it!

SCENE 7

NINA
So can you see him?  What does he look like?

GEORGE
He just drove up?

NINA
And?

GEORGE
He drove too fast.

NINA
Oh wait.  So George, do you want to meet him?

GEORGE
Do I want to meet him?

SCENE 8

NINA
Oh, hello.  Hi!

BRIAN
Hi.  I'm Brian MacKenzie.

NINA
Good.  I'm Nina Banks.

BRIAN
Yes, I recognize you from your picture.

NINA
Yes, come on in.

BRIAN
The one Annie had with her in Rome.

NINA
Yes.  Oh, good.  Come in.

BRIAN
Okay.  (TO GEORGE):  Hello, Mr. Banks.

GEORGE
(VO)
It was the first time I ever hated the sound of my own name.

GEORGE
Hi.

BRIAN
I've heard so much about you.  It's great to finally meet you, sir!

GEORGE
(VO)
"Sir."  Two words now crossed my mind:  "brown" and "nose."

BRIAN
Annie talks about you so much, I feel like I already know you.

ANNIE
Brian?

BRIAN
Oh, Annie.

ANNIE
So, this is him!

NINA
Oh, he's just, just a...

BRIAN
A little nervous.  This is one of those situations you read about.  You 
know, meeting the in-laws.  You two seem great.  I'm sure I have 
nothing to be nervous about.  But, uh...still...

GEORGE
Let's...Let's, uh...go to the uh...uh...

BRIAN
Great!

NINA
I think he's adorable.

GEORGE
I don't like him.

NINA
Oh, George!

GEORGE
He's wearing Nikes!

ANNIE
Mom, where's Matty?

NINA
Oh, he fell asleep watching TV.

ANNIE
Oh well, you'll meet him tomorrow.

NINA
So...uh...How did you two...uh...meet?

ANNIE
Oh, we were the only two people at this revival house in Rome for a 
midnight show of "Bringing Up Baby."  We kept hearing each other laugh.

BRIAN
And at all the same places.
ANNIE
Yeah.  And when it was over, I picked him up.

BRIAN
Oh, no, no, no.  I went over to your to ask directions and one thing 
led to another and...

ANNIE
And that was it.  For the next three months we never left each other's 
sight.  We went to all these museums, all these great concerts, the 
opera.  We traveled to the country.  Remember that place we stayed in 
Tuscany?

BRIAN
The one with the uh...?  Suffice it to stay it wasn't a four star 
hotel.  You have a very brave daughter!

GEORGE
Uh, Brian...What is it exactly that you do?  Annie was saying something 
about computers?

BRIAN
Oh yeah, um...I'm an independent communications consultant.

GEORGE
Yeah, yeah...that part I heard.

BRIAN
It sounds fake, right?  Like I don't have a real job?

NINA
No...no...We wouldn't say that.

BRIAN
That's what my Dad said when he first heard what I was doing.  But, 
uh...what it is, in this case, Pacific International Bank sent me to 
Rome to hook up an X-dot connection to their European subsidiary.  Uh, 
all European computers communicate on the Dot 25 network.  And uh, 
since Pacific International is an L.A.-based firm, they wanted to 
interface with standard European protocol.  So, I set 'em up.

NINA
Mm!

GEORGE
And uh, why are you "independent"?  What was that?

ANNIE
Because no one can afford to keep him on staff.

BRIAN
Well, uh...that's true, basically.  You know, driving down here, I 
tried to put myself in your place.  Your daughter comes home after 
spending four months in Rome, and uh, I'm sure you couldn't wait to see 
her...and she shocks you with the news that she's getting married.  And 
to somebody you've never met before.  I'm sure that was 
pretty..."heavy"...to use a word from your generation.  I just want to 
say that I'm an upstanding citizen, and I've never been engaged 
before...I've never really been in love before.  And, uh...I think 
Annie is the greatest person I've ever met.  And I can't wait to marry 
her and one day...have children...and grandchildren.  And I'm going to 
do my best to be supportive of her dreams...and she's a very gifted 
architect...and um...I'm just thrilled that I met her!  I love your 
daughter.  The feelings I have for her are never going to change.  And 
I'm here to stay.

NINA
Oh, honey!

ANNIE
Mom!

BRIAN
That's okay Mr. Banks, we don't have to hug.

GEORGE
Well...um...maybe later.

NINA
Well that was just a...that was just about the best thing I ever heard 
anybody say!

BRIAN
Well, I meant it.

NINA
Good.

ANNIE
Listen, I want to take Brian out for a drive and show him around San 
Marino.

NINA
Okay, honey.  Good.

GEORGE
Annie, it's a little nippy out.  You might want to put on a sweater.

ANNIE
Oh, Dad, it's okay.  I'm kind of warm.

GEORGE
Still, there's a chill in the air and you've been on a plane.

ANNIE
Dad, I'm fine.

BRIAN
Annie, it is kinda cold out.

ANNIE
It is?

BRIAN
Yeah.

ANNIE
All right.  Thanks.  I'll get my jacket.

GEORGE
(VO)
Right then I realized, my day had passed.  She'll always love me, of 
course, but not in the same way.  I was no longer the man in my little 
girl's life.  I was like an old shoe.  The kind we manufacture and get 
all excited about, then after a few years discontinue.  That was me 
now.  Mr. Discontinued.

ANNIE
Mom?  Don't wait up, okay?  We might stop for a capuccino.

NINA
Oh, okay fine.  Well, good night, Brian.

BRIAN
Good night.  Good night, Mr. Banks.

ANNIE
Oh, you can call him George.  Or Dad!

GEORGE
George will be fine.

BRIAN
Okay.  I'll say it next time I see you.

GEORGE
Drive carefully.  And don't forget to fasten your condom.

ANNIE
Dad!

GEORGE
Seat belt!  I meant...I meant seat belt.

NINA
Honey, I'm putting your father to bed.  This has been a very big night 
for him.

GEORGE
Bye.

NINA
Good night.  Have fun.

GEORGE
Bye.
NINA
Bye-bye!  Have fun!

SCENE 9

NINA
This is a great kid.

GEORGE
It'll never last.

NINA
Wanna bet?

GEORGE
Nina.  Annie's much too spirited for this kid.  He's totally wrong for 
her.  I give it two months, tops.  One month.

NINA
This is the right guy for Annie, George.  I'm tellin' you, I feel it in 
my bones.  I mean, we're two lucky parents, George.

GEORGE
Lucky?  Oh!  What about his laugh?  It was such a give away.  It was so 
phony with his "Ha!  Ha!  Ha!  Hee!  Hee!  Hee!"

NINA
I thought it was totally sincere.

GEORGE
Oh, please.  What about that little rehearsed speech he gave that was 
right out of a book.  "How to Grease Your Future Mother-In-Law."

NINA
You're off here, George, really.  I thought it was completely from his 
heart.  Why do you think I cried?

GEORGE
Good question.  I don't know why either of you cried.  I'm losing my 
voice.  Are my glands swollen?

NINA
Let me see.  No.  No, honey.  No.

GEORGE
And what about the way he kept touching her?

NINA
What do you mean?

GEORGE
What do you mean, what do I mean?  He couldn't keep his hands off of 
her.

NINA
Oh, yes...kind of like when we were engaged, except that wasn't all you 
couldn't keep off me.

GEORGE
That was different.  And we certainly never acted that way in your 
parent's house.

NINA
Oh!  You want me to name all the rooms we did it in at my parent's 
house?

GEORGE
That was different.  We were like two imbeciles.  This is our child 
we're talking about.

NINA
Our child?  Oh, George.  You know, I still think you see Annie as a 
seven year-old girl in pigtails!

GEORGE
Well, you know?  That just shows how you much you know about me because 
that is not at all how I see her.  Right...a seven year-old with 
pigtails.  I mean, here's the thing.  We have no idea who this Brian 
really is.

NINA
Oh?

GEORGE
And if that's his real name.  I mean, who knows?  You know, maybe he 
already has a wife.  You read about these cases everyday.  Men who have 
wives and families stashed all across the country.  He could be a 
professional con artist who meets innocents abroad, and gives them this 
song and dance about being an independent...whatever that was...and 
then skips out after bilking them for all they're worth.  What are you 
doing?

NINA
I'm getting ready for bed.

GEORGE
Then I suppose that you're not interested that I believe I remember 
seeing someone who looked like Brian's twin on "America's Most Wanted"?

NINA
You're right.  I'm not.  George?  George, I thought he was great.  I 
liked him a lot.  And I'm really happy...George...Would you please stop 
making that face?  And I'm very happy for Annie.  And I'm excited for 
her.  This is a big deal and I think that we should at least hug.  This 
is great news.  Oh!  A wedding!  Father of the Bride.  Can you believe 
it?

SCENE 10

GEORGE
(VO)
Forty-eight hours later, the wedding was still on.  We were on our way 
to Bel- Air to meet Brian's folks.  

GEORGE
I don't know why we have to have brunch with total strangers.

NINA
Because their son is marrying our daughter and it's not an unusual 
custom meeting the in-laws.

GEORGE
You know, that's another thing.  I hate that expression, "in-laws."  
What does it mean, anyway?  We're legally bound to these people?  I 
don't want to be "in-lawed."  Especially to people who live in Bel-Air.  
I mean, what kind of people have brunch and live in Bel-Air?

NINA
Rich people.

GEORGE
They probably live in the one shack in the middle of all these 
mansions.

NINA
Nice mood, George.

GEORGE
What?  I'm in a good mood.

NINA
Okay, I think this is it.  Yeah...Nice shack, babe.

GEORGE
Worse.  It's the biggest house on the street.  Now we're related to 
pretentious snobs.  Just what we need.

NINA
You look very handsome, George.  Way too young to be "in-lawed."

GEORGE
Well, it really shouldn't matter how I look.  We're not here to win 
their approval.  Just because you changed your outfit five times.

NINA
Oh, and you didn't try on nine different shirts?

GEORGE
Two.

NINA
Two?  I see.

GEORGE
Two long sleeve and two short sleeve.

JOHN &
JOANNA
Hi!  Nice to meet you.  I'm John...I'm Joanna.  Welcome to our house.  
Come on in, please.

SCENE 11

GEORGE
(VO)
All I could think about was the size of this place.  We could have 
parked our whole house in the foyer.

JOHN
Oh, what a nerve-wracking thing, meeting your future in-laws.  What a 
relief.  You two look perfectly normal.

NINA
Oh, well, I am.

JOANNA
I have to tell you, we got so nervous about today, about meeting the 
two of you, I must have tried on three different outfits.

NINA
Oh?

JOHN
I changed my shirt four times.  Can you imagine anyone being that 
jerky?  

JOANNA
So come on in.  I thought we could have lunch in here.

JOHN
Marta, estas son nuestras in-laws.  George and Nina Banks.

MARTA
Mucho gusto.

NINA
Hello.

JOANNA
Oh, and here's the rest of our family.  

JOHN
Oh, don't worry.  They look like killers but they're actually quite 
friendly.  As long as you're relaxed, why, they're relaxed.

GEORGE
Hi, puppy, puppy, puppy!

JOHN
All right, fellas.  That's enough.  Come on.  Release!

JOANNA
Well, why don't we all sit down?

JOHN
Please.  

NINA
Oh, thank you.

JOHN
All right, here we go.  George.  Honey.

JOANNA
Sweet heart.  (TO GEORGE AND NINA):  I don't know if the kids told you, 
but we were over in Europe on business and we stopped in Rome to see 
Brian.  So we got to spend a few days with Annie.  Oh, boy.  We just 
fell in love with her immediately.  

GEORGE
Isn't she great?

JOANNA
Yes.  We just couldn't be happier about this.

JOHN
How did you...uh...take the news, George?

GEORGE
Me?  Uh, truthfully, I was a little surprised.

JOHN
I was shocked.

GEORGE
So was I.

JOHN
After all, they'd only known each other a few months.

GEORGE
Exactly.  And Annie is just finishing up school.

JOHN
Absolutely.  Oh, believe me, I tossed and turned over this one, 
but...the bottom line is, they're in love.  They over twenty-one, and 
whether they're rushing into this or not is maybe not for us to say.

GEORGE
(VO)
Right.  Not for us to say.  We're only their parents.  I was just about 
to say these very words out loud when he hit me with...

JOHN
Yes, sooner or later you just have to let your kids go and hope you 
brought 'em up right.  George...Nina...Darling.

GEORGE
(VO)
This guy was making a little too much sense for me.  Suddenly, my shirt 
collar felt like it was starting to strangle me.  

JOHN
To George and Nina.  And a future of wonderful memories.  First, the 
wedding of our children.  And the happiness we'll share watching their 
lives.  Then, sharing the joy of our grandchildren together.  Birthday 
parties...graduation...

GEORGE
(VO)
Now I knew where they got the expression, "Like father, like son."  I 
also knew I needed some air.

GEORGE
Can you tell me where the restroom is?

JOANNA
Oh, actually the one down here is a mess.  We're remodeling.  Why don't 
you try the one at the top of the stairs.  It's the seventh door on the 
left.

GEORGE
Second?

JOANNA
Seventh.

JOHN
Seventh.

GEORGE
Seventh.

SCENE 12	

GEORGE
(TO DOG):  I'm leaving.  I'm relaxed and I'm leaving.  (TO DOGS):  
Relent!  Recoil.  Reverse!

SCENE 13

JOHN
Well, I hope George hasn't gotten lost up there.

NINA
Oh no, he's gonna be fine.
JOHN
Okay.

NINA
That's such a lovely sculpture.

JOHN
Oh. Doesn't it have such a wonderful sense of motion?  

JOANNA
We got it in Denmark.  Quite a lot of my family is from Copenhagen.

NINA
Is that right?

JOHN
Oh, yeah.  Doesn't it have a wonderful sense of balance?  

NINA
Oh, it's amazing.

JOHN
I was going to put it in the garden...Actually, Brian spent quite a few 
summers in Denmark.  He now speaks better Danish than Joanna.

NINA
Is that a fact?

JOHN
And we're planning a trip back this summer.

NINA
Um...I think this is a very beautiful spread here.

JOANNA
Oh, thank you.

JOHN
Well, should we wait for George?  ...Maybe I should check on George?

NINA
No.

GEORGE
(TO DOGS):  Release!

NINA
Oh, man.

SCENE 14

ANNIE
Wow!  No kidding?  Really?  It went great?

GEORGE
Better than great.  I mean, it just...just...couldn't have gone better!

ANNIE
God, I'm so relieved.  I mean, who knows what can happen at these 
things, you know?  Now I feel like the wedding's officially on.  Dad, 
that looks so good.  This is great.

NINA
Oh, Brian's mom called with the names of her immediate family.

GEORGE
Is this is a joke?

NINA
Not only is this not a joke, but eight of them are from Copenhagen and 
it's the bride's family's responsibility to...

GEORGE
Do you have any idea what a round-trip ticket from Denmark costs?

MATT
Try eight round-trip tickets.

NINA
Well, actually it's nine.  You see, Joanna's cousin Gitte is apparently 
a rather large woman, so she needs two seats.

GEORGE
She can lop into the aisle for all I care because there's no way I'm 
paying for...
BRIAN
Hello everyone.  Sorry I'm late.

NINA
Hi!

ANNIE
Hey, Sweetie.

GEORGE
Hello.

MATT
Hey, dude.

BRIAN
Oh, here you are.

NINA
Oh.  Well, thank you!

BRIAN
Slev tak.  That's "You're welcome" in Danish.  

NINA
Oh, thanks.

BRIAN
This looks great.  Hear you're a whiz at the barbecue, Dad.

NINA
Well. So have you two given any thought to what kind of wedding you 
want?

ANNIE
Well, we've talked about it.

NINA
Yes?  And what do you think?  Big?  Small?

ANNIE
Well, it can't be too big.  We don't have that many friends.

GEORGE
So we're talking in the small vicinity range?

NINA
Well, she didn't say small.  She said not too big.

GEORGE
Yeah, but nothing fancy or overblown, right?

ANNIE
Right.

GEORGE
Right.  So, kind of the less is more theory, huh, Annie?

ANNIE
Basically.

GEORGE
Well, the reason I'm asking all these questions is I have a great idea 
where we can have this lovely, not small, but not too big wedding.

NINA
You do?  Where?

GEORGE
At our favorite restaurant.  The place we've been eating at for fifteen 
years.  The best.  The Steak Pit!

ANNIE
Dad, get serious.

MATT
I don't think you want the word "Pit" on a wedding invitation, George.

ANNIE
Really, Dad.  A rib joint with sawdust on the floor isn't exactly what 
I had in mind for my wedding.  No offense.

GEORGE
Well, excuse me.  What did you have in mind?  The Beverly Hills Hotel?

ANNIE
No.  Actually, what I'd like to have is my wedding in a church and have 
the reception here.  That's what I was hoping for.

GEORGE
Here?  (GEORGE VISUALIZES RECEPTION BARBECUE IN THE BACKYARD--VO:  
Here's the bride burger and groom burger, and uh, go on over and see 
the juggler!  ANNIE:  A dream wedding!  A barbecue wedding!)  This is a 
better idea than The Steak Pit!

ANNIE
Yeah.

GEORGE
We'll get some picnic tables and crepe paper and balloons...You know, 
and invite all our best pals...I'll make my famous guacamole...A 
wedding at home...This is a great idea.

SCENE 15

NINA
Great idea.  Picnic tables, crepe paper, balloons...You at the 
barbecue...Oh, George...

GEORGE
What don't you like about that?

NINA
Why have you been acting so crazy since the moment Annie told you she 
was getting married?

GEORGE
I haven't been acting crazy.  I've simply been acting like any normal, 
red-blooded, American dad.

NINA
Normal?  Uh-huh.  Okay.  Falling into the MacKenzie's pool.  Suggesting 
The Steak Pit as a wedding reception.  Oh, watching "America's Most 
Wanted" every night looking for Brian's face, and now this picnic 
scenario?  George, a wedding is a big deal.  Everybody seems to 
understand this but you.  And as a matter of fact, now don't go nuts 
when I tell you this, but when Brian's Mom called with their list, she 
suggested that they might just want to pitch in and help with the cost 
of the wedding.

GEORGE
No.  Hey!  We may not have a house the size of Rhode Island but we're 
not poverty stricken.  We can certainly afford to give our daughter a 
proper wedding.

NINA
Proper?  Not you in a chef's hat, right George?

GEORGE
Who said anything about a chef's hat?  When did this come up?

NINA
Yeah, but I know you.  I'm close.  Oh look, I just really saw this 
whole thing differently.  I wanted to call a wedding coordinator to 
make the whole thing really, really beautiful and you want to call Gabe 
at The Steak Pit!

GEORGE
Wait a minute.  A wedding coordinator?  What's a wedding coordinator?

NINA
A person who coordinates weddings.

GEORGE
What's to coordinate?  

NINA
Well, there's the invitations, and the flowers, the food, the band, the 
photographer, George, why are you giving me that look again?  A lot of 
people hire wedding coordinators.

GEORGE
Nina, you and I run two successful businesses.  We can certainly pull 
together one smallish wedding.  Now we don't need some fancy wedding 
coordinator.

NINA
Okay, George.  Let's just forget it, okay?  Because I just really can't 
take this.  I'm not used to all this arguing.

GEORGE
I'm not arguing.

NINA
So just...do me a favor, okay George?  Just go on upstairs and I'll 
finish up down here.

GEORGE
All right.  Fine.  Fine.  I'll go upstairs.  However, I would like to 
remind you what happened to what's his name down the street.  His 
daughter got married and the thing practically broke him.  Remember?

NINA
I remember.

GEORGE
You and I could end up shuffling along the sidewalk in our 
bathrobes...That was a joke.

NINA
Hilarious!

GEORGE
Oh, all right.  I'll go.  I'll meet the wedding coordinator.  You know 
I don't want to, but I'll go.  If you still want me to go, all right?  

NINA
Mm hm.

GEORGE
Okay?

NINA
Okay.

SCENE 16

GEORGE
Now let me do the talking, girls, okay?  

ANNIE
Huh?

GEORGE
Well, I negotiate better than you.  Now what's this guy's name?

NINA
Franck.

GEORGE
Frank.

ANNIE
Franck.

GEORGE
Franck?

ANNIE
Franck.  Oh, this is it.

NINA
Okay.  Here we go.

ANNIE
Mom!

NINA
Oh!  This is just amazing.  Oh my, Annie.  Look.  Look at this trim.  
Isn't this beautiful?  Pearls.

ANNIE
Oh, Mom.  Look at this one.

NINA
Annie?  

ANNIE
Yeah?
NINA
Do you like this plate set?

ANNIE
Oh, it's beautiful.

HOWARD
That china also comes in a wonderful Sarah Lee!

NINA
Hi.  You must be Franck?

HOWARD
I wish.  I'm Franck's assistant.  Howard Weinstein.  

NINA
Well, I'm Nina Banks and this is Annie.

ANNIE
Hi.

NINA
The bride.  And George, my husband.

GEORGE
How do you do?

HOWARD
May I offer anyone any refreshments?  Pelagrino?  Expresso?  Champagne?

NINA
Oh, uh....

GEORGE
No.

NINA
No.

HOWARD
I'll alert the boss that you're here.  Look around.  Have fun.

NINA
Oh!  Oh, this is so great!  Annie?

ANNIE
Yeah.

NINA
Wouldn't this be perfect for you?

ANNIE
Oh, it's gorgeous.  Look how it goes with the crystal.

FRANCK
Mr. and Mrs. Banks and the lovely bride!  Hello!  Hello!  It's a 
pleasure to meet you.  Howard has offered you something to drink, I 
hope?

NINA &
ANNIE
Oh yeah.

FRANCK
Oh!  The bride!  The bride!  The bride!

GEORGE
(VO)
Right away I realized this was a mistake of gargantuan proportions.  
This guy was going to coordinate our wedding?  How?  With subtitles?

FRANCK
Oh, please.  Come with me and we'll talk about your big day!  The big 
day for the bride!  Papa-la, come on!  Oh, sit down...on my own design.  
I designed that, it's very nice, I think.  Now, so you have not made up 
your list yet, but you know that you want the wedding at home on 
January 6th, right?

ANNIE
Uh-huh.

NINA
Yes.

GEORGE
Excuse me?
NINA
Yes.  We would.  We'd like a wedding at home on January the 6th.

FRANCK
Mm.  I love the weddings at the homes.  They're very personable.  Very 
warm and very comfortable.  So, January 6th, give us seven months.  Oh-
oh, hello!  That's five months!  Five months not much, but...that don't 
bother me so much because it's a little bit tight but we can do it and 
it will be spectacular!  So now, let's see.  This is what I suggest.  I 
suggest that we select a cake first.  

NINA
Okay.

FRANCK
Because the cake more often determines what kind of wedding that you 
end up having.  So let's just choose a cake, okay?

NINA
Okay.

GEORGE
Choose...Choose...Choose the what?

ANNIE
The cake, Dad.

FRANCK
Thank you dear assistant.  This one.  So this is a very popular cake 
with many of the fashionable weddings, you know?  And this...I just 
don't do anymore.  And this is fabulous.

NINA
Oh.  Oh, that is incredible!  Annie, that's just like the one we saw in 
the magazine.

ANNIE
Do you like it Dad?

GEORGE
Well, what is that?  Is that dollars?  $1,200?

FRANCK
Well, Mr. Banks.  This is a very reasonable price for a cake of this 
magnitude.

GEORGE
A cake, Franck, is made of flour and water.  My first car didn't cost 
$1,200.  

FRANCK
Well, welcome to the nineties, Mr. Banks!

GEORGE
(VO)
Not only did I not understand a syllable this guy was saying, now I had 
the feeling he was putting me down.

NINA
Excuse me, but um...Franck, could we please have a second?

FRANCK
Of course.  Take some seconds.  Howard, let's return calls.

SCENE 17

NINA
All right, George.  What's the problem?  Do you want to leave?

GEORGE
Do you?

NINA
No, I like him.  I think he's going to make this a beautiful wedding.  

ANNIE
Don't look at me.  You guys decide.

NINA
Give the man a chance, George.  Please?  Annie, do you like this cake?

ANNIE
It is incredible, Dad.

GEORGE
Well, all right.  But let's just...

NINA
We're going to, George.  We're going to hold things down.

ANNIE
We just...We won't go nuts.

GEORGE
Thank you.  Franck?

FRANCK
Coming!

GEORGE
We'll take the cake.

FRANCK
Oh, good.  Good.  Don't worry, Mr. Banks.  I'm going to bring the crew 
over to the house and give it every thing that we have in the once over 
department and in the end you'll be very, very happy.  Trust me.  You 
just smile away.  Now, interesting idea.  

NINA
Yes?

FRANCK
We've got to determine the theme and color of the wedding.  This is how 
I see it.  I think we go very elegant inside the church, you know?

GEORGE
(VO)
With one swift move, I'd been cut out of the deal.  Annie, Nina, and 
Franck were in charge now.  

FRANCK
And beautiful china...Spode!  And crystal to drop over dead for!

GEORGE
(VO)
Old Dad was history.

SCENE 18

GEORGE
(VO)
A few days later I was at work, relieved for once not to be talking 
about the wedding.

GEORGE
I wore those 750 trainers over the weekend.

DAVID
Are they still stiff?

GEORGE
Uh, I think they need a softer midsole.

SALESMAN
Just back from the Orient, ladies, and I've got a new shipment, 
beautiful merchandise.  Gucci, Cartier, Louis Vuitton.  

WOMAN
I've never heard of Louis Vuitton.

SALESMAN
He's big, darling, believe me...or they wouldn't be knocking 'em off.  
Don't worry, Mr. Banks.  They're on a break.

OLIVIA
George?  It's Franck's office.  Line two.

GEORGE
Uh, maybe I could see those mock ups by Friday, David?  Thanks.

GEORGE
(VO)
This was the call I'd been dreading since I heard the words, "wedding 
coordinator."
GEORGE
Hello?

HOWARD
Mr. Banks, this is Howard Weinstein.  Franck's Executive Assistant.  
I...ave...your estimate for you.

GEORGE
I can barely hear you.

HOWARD
I'm in my car...going through...Water...Canyon...Call you back?

GEORGE
No.  No.  No.  I want the estimate.  How much?  What's the damage?

HOWARD
Well, everything from the flowers to the honeymoon limo...

GEORGE
Okay, everything.  How much?

HOWARD
...dred and...ifty...a...ead...

GEORGE
You're breaking up.  It sounded like you said a hundred and fifty a 
head.

HOWARD
No...no...

GEORGE
Good.  I was about to kill myself.

HOWARD
It's two hundred and fifty a head.

SCENE 19

GEORGE
Get me Nina at work.

OLIVIA
She just called.

GEORGE
I need the final head count.

OLIVIA
She just gave it to me.

GEORGE
What is it?  One-fifty?

OLIVIA
Five hundred and seventy-two.

SCENE 20

GEORGE
Two hundred and fifty dollars a head means that for the four of us to 
attend this wedding in our own home will cost one thousand dollars.  
Therefore, we are not getting up from this table until we cut this list 
down to the bare minimum.  Now, invite as many people as you want to 
the church.  Pack 'em in.  Build a grandstand if you want, but we are 
not having more than one hundred and fifty people in this house on the 
day of the wedding.  All right, let's start eliminating.

NINA
Okay.  Jim Pepper and wife.

GEORGE
Oh, great.  Start with one of my guys.

NINA
Fine!  Will start with one of mine.  I'll cut Steve and Stephanie 
Turell.  They're very good clients of mine...

GEORGE
Say no more, they're history.  

NINA
All right.  Jim Pepper and wife.
GEORGE
I've known the guy for twenty years.

NINA
You haven't seen him in fifteen, George.

GEORGE
All right.  I'll say I lost his address.  Now here's somebody.  Your 
cousin Betsy.  The poet/waitress/picture framer.

NINA
We can't cut family.  They know about the wedding.

MATT
I only invited one person:  Cameron.  Mom said I could have a friend 
there.

GEORGE
For two hundred and fifty bucks you can see Cameron after the wedding.  
All right, very good.  Five down.  We're rolling.

NINA
All right, what about Harry Kirby?  We haven't seen him in ages.

GEORGE
I don't know.

ANNIE
Didn't Harry Kirby die last year?

GEORGE
Yes!  Good!  Oh, well...sorry.

MATT
Who's Frank Eglehoffer?

GEORGE
What?

NINA
He's coordinating the wedding and then we're not going to invite him?

GEORGE
Exactly!  Do you think I'm going to pay a guy fifteen-percent, plus an 
hourly, plus an additional five hundred dollars to feed him and that 
assistant of his?  Have you lost your mind?

MATT
Can I put Cameron back on the list if he promises not to eat?

GEORGE
You know, that's not a bad idea.  Who else can we ask not to eat?  My 
parents...your mother.

ANNIE
Why don't we just charge people?  That way we can make money on the 
wedding!

NINA
Annie?  Annie...

GEORGE
I was kidding.

SCENE 21

GEORGE
"How to Give a Beautiful Wedding on a Small Budget."  "Bake your own 
wedding Cake."  "Find a good tailor and copy a designer dress."  "Have 
a friend take the pictures."  

GEORGE
(VO)
From that moment on, I decided to shut my mouth and go with the flow.

SCENE 22

GEORGE
(VO)
My first move was to get the old tuxedo out of mothballs.

GEORGE
Hey, lookin' good, my man!  Git down!  Hey!  What's new 
pussycat...whoa-a-whoa-whoa...What's new pussycat...whoa-a-whoa-whoa...

NINA
George?  Annie, he's up here!

GEORGE
Hey...Pussycat, pussycat, I love you...Indeed I do...Yes I do!  Hey, 
what do you think?  Bought it in '75 and it still fits.

ANNIE
Like a glove.

NINA
Yeah...it's just a...way to go.  Maybe...maybe you could get a new tux.  
We're all wearing new clothes and...

GEORGE
What?  Don't you think I look cute?  I mean, there will be a lot of 
single gals there.

ANNIE
Oh...I'll get it.

NINA
Oh...Oh...By the way.  Good news.  The church is free.

GEORGE
Oh, finally something is free.

NINA
I meant available.

SCENE 23

FRANCK
Oh, it's adorable...Oh, it's very nice...Very romantic.  We change it 
all, though.  Let's go.

GEORGE
(VO)
Franck and his crew had arrived to finalize all the details of the 
wedding.  First was an audition for a band singer.  Just as I was about 
to say, "Don't call us, we'll call you," I heard...

FRANCK
Howard, we'll have to move out all of the furniture if we'll have any 
sort of room in here...Ooh.  This is a nice statement.  It's...lots of 
fun.  Mrs. Banks, one question...

GEORGE
Howard.  Franck was saying something about moving out the furniture?

HOWARD
We have to move it out if we're going to fit more than two hundred 
bodies in here.

GEORGE
But what if someone wants to sit down?

HOWARD
We bring in chairs.

GEORGE
Well, if you're bringing in chairs, then why are you moving the 
furniture out?

FRANCK
Mr. Banks, I do this for a living, you know?  Trust me.  A moving van 
must take everything out.  Yes, it's another expensive...oh sure, 
yeah...but it's what we need.  Annie?  Mrs. Banks?  

NINA
Uh-huh?

FRANCK
Come this way, please.  So, what do you think of tailor?  We do have 
other tuxes.

GEORGE
Well, I'd like to see him.

FRANCK
Good.  That should be no problem.  Gather around, everyone.  My best 
friend in the whole world, Hank Burnewsky.

ANTHONY
Greetings.

ANNIE
Hi.

NINA &
GEORGE
Hi.

FRANCK
I need to take a minute of your time to discuss the menu.

GEORGE
The man-yu?  The man-yu?  Remind me.

NINA
The menu.

GEORGE
The menu!  Yes!

FRANCK
Unfortunately, Hank doesn't speak English, so I'll translate.

GEORGE
Franck, that'll be a big help.

*Franck and Hank discuss the menu.

FRANCK
This is what Hank suggests.  For the main course he wants to serve 
veal.

ANNIE
Oh, really?  I have a problem with that.

GEORGE
With what?

ANNIE
With veal.  I keep reading there's a lot of inhumane treatment in the 
way they treat the calves.

FRANCK
I read that, too.  Very chic.  No problem.  *Franck translates to Hank.  
So then there's seafood which is also chic, or fowl which is not chic 
but cheap.

GEORGE
(VO)
Cheap.  Finally a word I understood.  My first and last piece of good 
news.

WOMAN
Mrs. Banks?

NINA
Yes?

WOMAN
One last thing.  

GEORGE
What is he doing?

HOWARD
We need more amps to light the house and the tent.  It's cheaper than 
bringing in a new line.

WOMAN
In terms of the florals out front.  We're going to color coordinate 
with the swans, right?

GEORGE
Swans?

NINA
Well, yes.  I think it'd be wonderful.
WOMAN
Perfect.

GEORGE
We're having swans?

ANNIE
Franck thought it would be great to have swans waddling around the 
tulip border, you know, as the guest enter.  It would be really 
romantic...

GEORGE
Nina, we don't have a tulip border.

WOMAN
You will.

FRANCK
Mr. Banks, we have a problem.  Hank does not want to do the chicken.

GEORGE
He doesn't what?

MAN
Franck, is the tent back through here?

GEORGE
I've been meaning to fix that.  You have to push, then pull.

MAN
Oh.

FRANCK
Oh, now let's not panic about anything, let's see.  Oh, that's only a 
scratch, we can fix that.  Now, Mr. Banks, please, about the seafood.  
Hank wants to know if it's okay or not to cook.

GEORGE
No Franck.  Tell Hank it's not okay.  If I have to move out all the 
furniture and add amps and repaint the walls and get a new tux and pay 
for swans, then I'd like the cheaper chicken.  Is that clear?

FRANCK
I understood the "cheaper" part.  (Franck talks to Hank).  Well, that's 
it.  Hank says he will think about this.  Now, we do not want to lose 
him.  He is a genius and we need his mind, okay?  So, I'll see what I 
can do.  Hank?  Hank?

HOWARD
I see you're starting to lose it, but I have one more question, very 
simple, about the parking attendants.  Four is comfortable, three is 
acceptable, anything less absolutely terrifies me.  

GEORGE
Two.

HOWARD
Two.

NINA
George?  

GEORGE
Two.

FRANCK
Hank says if you want the fowl, he isn't interested.  He passes.

ANNIE
He passes?

BRIAN
Hey Dad!  How's it going?  I came to get my sneakers.  I left them in 
Annie's room last night.

GEORGE
(VO)
I was beginning to feel like I was having an out of body experience.  I 
had to get out of the house, and fast.  Nina said as long as I was 
escaping would I mind escaping to the market and picking up something 
for dinner.  Sure.  That was all I needed.  A busy supermarket.  I 
needed to drive, mellow out, get my mind off the wedding.
SCENE 24

GEORGE
(VO)
But mellowing out was not in the cards.

STOCK
BOY
Excuse me, sir, but what are you doing?

GEORGE
I'll tell you what I'm doing.  I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight 
hot dog buns to go with them.  But no one sells eight hot dog buns.  
They only sell twelve hot dog buns.  So I end up paying for four buns I 
don't need.  So I am removing the superfluous buns.

STOCK
BOY
I'm sorry, sir.  But you're going to have to pay for all twelve buns.  
They're not marked individually.

GEORGE
Yeah.  And you want to know why?  Because some big-shot over at the 
wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company 
and decided to rip off the American public.  Because they think the 
American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for 
everything they don't need rather than make a stink!

MANAGER
Get me security.

GEORGE
Well, they're not ripping off this nit-wit anymore because I'm not 
paying for one more thing I don't need!  George Banks is saying no!

STOCK
BOY
Who's George Banks?

GEORGE
Me!

MANAGER
Why don't we just calm down now, sir.

GEORGE
I'll tell you why "we" don't calm down, because you're not excited!  It 
takes two people for a "we" to calm down, doesn't it?

MANAGER
Uh, that I don't know, sir.  I'm just the assistant manager of a 
supermarket.  But I'll tell you this.  If you don't pipe down and pay 
for those buns, I'm going to call the police.

GEORGE
Oh...right!  Yeah!  Uh-huh.  Yeah.  Right!

MANAGER
That's right.

GEORGE
Right!

MANAGER
Hey!

GEORGE
Right!

MANAGER
Hey!  Come here!  Come here!  Come here!





SCENE 25

GEORGE
(VO)
That was the low point.  Flipping out over four hot dog buns.  I 
couldn't figure out why I'd gotten so nuts.  Why the wedding had me so 
unglued.

OFFICER
Banks.  Your wife is here.

GEORGE
Aren't you going to let me out?

OFFICER
She wants to talk to you first.

GEORGE
She wants to talk to me first?

NINA
Hello George.

GEORGE
Why do you look happy to see me in here, Nina?

NINA
Happy?  No.  No.  No.  I'm not happy, George.  You think I was happy to 
tell everyone that I had to come down to the city jail and bail you out 
for stealing hot dog buns?

GEORGE
I wasn't stealing them!

NINA
Ah!

GEORGE
I was just...

NINA
Ah!  I'm going to have to ask you not to talk or I'll have to call 
Officer whatshisname over there.  You've been more than I can handle, 
George.  Annie's wedding is not a conspiracy against you.  It's just a 
wedding.  People have them every day in every country in the world.  I 
know it's going to be expensive.  But, we don't go to Europe.  We don't 
own fancy cars.  I don't own expensive jewelry, so we can afford to 
have a big wedding.

GEORGE
Nina...

NINA
I'll get you out of here on one condition, Banks.  That you'll agree to 
the following.  Now repeat after me.  "I, George Stanley Banks..."

GEORGE
I, George Stanley Banks...

NINA
"...promise to pull it together and act my age."

GEORGE
...promise to pull it together and act my age.

NINA
"I will stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, unbuttoning my top 
collar button..."

GEORGE
I don't unbutton my top collar...

NINA
Oh, yeah?  No...You mean, like this bit?

GEORGE
...stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, and unbuttoning my top 
collar button.

NINA
"I will stop making faces in general and I will definitely stop telling 
everybody how much this wedding is costing."

GEORGE
I don't tell everyone how much it costs!

NINA
He told you, right?

OFFICER
Two hundred and fifty a head?

GEORGE
Oh, well, thanks!  

NINA
"I will try to remember my daughter's feelings and how with every roll 
of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness."

GEORGE
I love you, Nina.

NINA
Just repeat the last part for me, George.

GEORGE
I will try to remember my daughter's feelings and how with every roll 
of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness.

NINA
I love you, too.  Let's go home.

SCENE 26

NINA
Annie!  Brian!  Look!  It's a present!  It's your first present!

ANNIE
Our first present.  I can't believe it.

BRIAN
Our second one should be here any minute.  

ANNIE
Wow!  How do you know?

BRIAN
Well, I asked them to bring it over.

GEORGE
Oh, so this is when we give the presents?  Great.  Uh, good...I'll be 
right back.

BRIAN
Where's he going?

NINA
Maybe he got a present for you.

ANNIE
You know about this?

NINA
I haven't got a clue.

SCENE 27

JOHN
Look at this!

ANNIE
This is for us?  Thank you so much!

GEORGE
Yikes.  A whole car.

ANNIE
Dad?  Dad, did you see what the MacKenzies got us?

GEORGE
It's unbelievable.  And you thought you'd never have a new car.

ANNIE
I know!  What's that?

GEORGE
It's...nothing.  It's just a gift I was thinking of giving you guys.  
It's something you said you didn't have but you want.
ANNIE
Can I see it?

GEORGE
Yeah.  Well...it's not a big, big gift, of course.

ANNIE
It's a cappuccino maker!

GEORGE
It's supposed to be a good one.  That's what they said at the store.  
It's...uh...top of the line.  It makes great foam.

ANNIE
I couldn't love anything more.

GEORGE
(VO)
My feelings exactly.

SCENE 28

MAN
All right, Mr. Banks.  Here you go.  A forty long.  It's gorgeous even 
on the hanger!  Now this is an actual Georgio Armani.  The real McCoy.  
Don't ask how I got it.  But here it is.

SCENE 29

GEORGE
Nina, we have great friends, you know that.  I mean, these are not your 
run of the mill salad bowls, these are primo gifts.  (Copying Franck):  
As a mutter of fact, I am so happy we have decided to surve the very 
chic but expensive seefoot at our very fushnaboil watting.  (To Annie):  
Ah!  De bootiful broide.  Good news!  You have received another very 
loovely, too good to be true, silver tea set.  What's the matter?

ANNIE
Send it back.  

GEORGE
Come on.  Whad'yoo mean?

ANNIE
Daddy, I'm not kidding.  Send them all back.  The wedding's off!

SCENE 30

GEORGE
Ann?  Annie?

ANNIE
I'm sorry, Dad.  But I'm not going to marry Brian.

GEORGE
Okay.  Okay.  Whatever you want is okay with us.

ANNIE
I feel so awful after everything you guys have done.  Now I have to 
undo it all.

GEORGE
Don't worry about it.  These things get canceled all the time.  Your 
mother and I can take care of everything.  What happened?  Another 
girl?

ANNIE
Oh, look at your shirt.

GEORGE
Don't worry.

ANNIE
No, it wasn't anything like that.  It started out as nothing really.  
He gave me a present.  It's our eight month anniversary today and he 
gave me...just look!  He said it was for me.  For our apartment.  Just 
look.

GEORGE
It's a blender.

ANNIE
Yeah.  Exactly.  I mean, I didn't want to act thrown or anything, but 
inside I was.  I mean, I thought something for the apartment...maybe a 
new clock, or a cool phone, or a great art book, or something...but a 
blender?  I mean, what is this?  1958?  Give the little wife a blender?  
I mean, it scared me, you know?  In terms of his expectations.  I 
started to freak out and he asked me what was wrong and I asked him 
what a gift like this is supposed to be telling me and he said nothing 
and I didn't believe him and we got into this big fight.  And he said I 
was overreacting.  And I said why would I overreact?  Nobody in my 
family overreacts.  And then, he came up with this totally absurd 
story, this completely outrageous lie and I'm looking at him and I'm 
thinking, this man's a liar!

GEORGE
What did he lie about?

ANNIE
Oh, actually it was something about you.  

GEORGE
Me?

ANNIE
He said the day that you and Mom went to go visit his folks...this is 
so ridiculous!  He said that you were snooping around his dad's desk 
and you somehow found his dad's bankbook...Oh no!  First he said you 
broke some mirror in their bathroom.  And then you found his dad's 
bankbook and you somehow threw it in their pool.  I mean, it's too 
ridiculous.  The man lies!

GEORGE
Come in.

NINA
Annie, Brian's downstairs.

ANNIE
I don't want to see him.

NINA
He looks awful.

ANNIE
Good.

GEORGE
Excuse me.

GEORGE
(VO)
I thought maybe I should help smooth things over.  So I took Brian out 
for a drink.  I thought we could have a talk...

SCENE 31

GEORGE
(VO)
...man to man.  But as I sat there and listened to his side of the 
story, I realized this was a golden opportunity.  If I ever wanted to 
get rid of Brian MacKenzie, this was my chance.

BRIAN
You know those banana shakes she likes to make, right?  Well, that's 
why I thought she'd like a blender.  I guess I can see her point.  A 
blender does suggest a certain 1950's reference to sexual politics.  
But I swear it never entered my consciousness at the time.

GEORGE
I believe you.  

BRIAN
You do?  Would you tell Annie that for me, Dad?

GEORGE
(VO)
This was where I was going to lower the boom.  But instead, I found 
myself looking into his weepy eyes and found myself saying...
GEORGE
Sure, I'll tell her.

BRIAN
Oh good.  'Cause I know that whatever you say, she'll believe.

GEORGE
(VO)
Not only was I not getting rid of the kid, I now found myself talking 
him into staying.

GEORGE
You know, Brian...Annie is a very passionate person and passionate 
people tend to overreact at times.  Annie comes from a long line of 
major overreactors.  Me.  I can definitely lose it.  My mother...a nut.  
My grandfather...stories about him are legendary.  The good news, 
however, is that this overreacting tends to get proportionately less by 
generation, so your kids could be normal.

GEORGE
(VO)
As if that wasn't enough, I went on!

GEORGE
But on the upside, with this passion comes great spirit and 
individuality which is probably one of the reasons you love Annie.

BRIAN
That's what I love most about her.

GEORGE
(VO)
That's when it hit me like a Mac truck.  Annie was just like me, and 
Brian was just like Nina.  

SCENE 32

GEORGE
(VO)
They were a perfect match.

ANNIE
Dad, I can't believe you took him out.  What did he say?  I mean, you 
don't have to tell me.  What?

GEORGE
Honey, I just spent an hour with Brian and believe me when I tell you 
that this gift says nothing about how he feels about you.  It's just a 
thing to put in the kitchen.  He thought you might want to blend 
something one day and that's all.

ANNIE
And you believe that?

GEORGE
Completely.  He's downstairs now.  His heart is breaking.  Please go 
see him.  And also, that story he told you about me and the bankbook 
and the swimming pool...

ANNIE
Yeah?  What?

GEORGE
It's true.

ANNIE
Oh Brian.

BRIAN
Oh Annie.  I'm so sorry about the blender.  I see your point.  It was 
incredibly insensitive of me.

ANNIE
No...It's okay.  I want it.  It's my first anniversary present.  I'm so 
sorry about calling you a worm.  My Dad told me everything.

BRIAN
When I thought I was never going to see you again.  If it wasn't for 
your father.

ANNIE
I know.  I know.  I love you.

BRIAN
Me, too.

GEORGE
Everything fine now?  Good, I'll just go...

SCENE 33

BRIAN
Annie!

ANNIE
Hi Brian.  Come on up.

GEORGE
(VO)
Well, we made it to January.  It was the day before the big day.  The 
Farmer's Almanac predicted this week was going to be the coldest L.A. 
had seen in over half a century.  But we were so busy none of us had 
time to notice.

SCENE 34

MATT
Right, together.  Left, together...Right, together.  Left, 
together...Right, together.  Left, together...

GEORGE
What's the matter?  You're up pretty late, aren't ya?

MATT
Yeah.  I know.  I'm just practicing.  I wish I didn't have to walk Mom 
down the aisle.

GEORGE
Don't worry, you'll be great.

MATT
Is it right together, left or left together, right?

GEORGE
Come on, let's try it.  Let's see, we go right, together, left 
together.  Right, together, left, together.  Good.  Matty.  I'm sorry 
if I've been preoccupied lately with this wedding.  

MATT
It's okay.

GEORGE
Yeah, but I have, haven't I?

MATT
It's all right.  I understand.

GEORGE
Yeah, but ...

MATT
Yeah, you have.  But I haven't felt ignored or anything.  Don't worry, 
Dad.  No permanent damage done.

GEORGE
Well, good.

ANNIE
(On the phone):  It's really cute and cozy and in a great neighborhood.  
You'll see it.  I'm really excited.  But I've got all this packing to 
do and this room looks so different.

MATT
It's going to be weird, isn't it?  Just you, me, and Mom here now.

GEORGE
Yeah.  Come on.  Goodnight, pal.  Sleep tight.

MATT
Good luck tomorrow, Dad.

GEORGE
Yeah, you too.

MATT
Annie?

ANNIE
Yeah?

MATT
Goodnight.

ANNIE
Goodnight, Matty.  I love you.

MATT
I love you, too.

SCENE 35

ANNIE
Did I wake you?

GEORGE
No, I was up.  So what are you doing?

ANNIE
I couldn't sleep.  I just kept thinking about how this was my last 
night in my bed...in my house...kinda like my last night as a kid.  I 
mean, I've lived here since I was five and I feel like I'm supposed to 
turn in my key tomorrow.  It was so strange packing up my room.  You 
know how you have always trained me never to throw anything away.  So 
like I have all these ratty stuffed animals and yearbooks...my old 
retainer...all my old magic tricks.  And I actually packed it all.  I 
just didn't want to let it go.  I mean, I know I can't stay, but it's 
like I don't want to leave.  

GEORGE
Well, that's the thing about life...is uh, the surprises.  The little 
things that sneak up on you and grab hold of you.  Still happens to me.

ANNIE
Yikes.  What is this?

GEORGE
I don't believe it.

ANNIE
Oh my God.  Talk about surprises.

GEORGE
It hasn't snowed in L.A. since I was nine.

ANNIE
Mom's gonna die.  What?  What is that face?  

GEORGE
No.  Nothing.  I was just thinking.

ANNIE
Oh, this is going to end up costing you more money.

GEORGE
No.  How I know I'll remember this moment for the rest of my life.

SCENE 36

GEORGE
(VO)
When you live in a city that hasn't seen snow in thirty-six years, it's 
bound to cause a few problems.  First, we panicked and brought in extra 
heaters.  But they were melting the ice sculptures so they had to go.  
The florist had to thaw out our newly planted tulips with a hair dryer.  
Franck and Howard shoveled our path themselves at no extra charge.  

FRANCK
Just keep shoveling!  Don't stop!


GEORGE
(VO)
And the swans spent the morning in a lukewarm bath.  Other than that, 
we were almost running on schedule.  

GEORGE
Nina!  It's after three!

HOWARD
All I can say is, thank God snow is white.  It works.  Know what I 
mean?

GEORGE
Sure.  Franck, do you have that needle and thread?

FRANCK
Here you go, George.  We'll fix you right up.  Howard, you have to go 
to the church.

HOWARD
I'm on my way.

FRANCK
Oh oh.  I bring the wrong color thread.  I assumed you'd be wearing a 
black tuxedo.

GEORGE
It is a block tuxado.

FRANCK
I don't think so, babe.  This tux is navy blue!

GEORGE
What are you talking about?  Armani doesn't make a blue tuxedo.

FRANCK
Armani don't also make polyester.

GEORGE
Franck, where are the cars?  We're supposed to be there by now.

FRANCK
Where are those cars?

NINA
All right.  Relax, honey.  Everything is going to be just fine.  At 
least we know they can't start without us.

GEORGE
(VO)
I knew I'd never be able to remember what Nina wore that day.  But I 
also knew I'd never forget the way she looked.

GEORGE
Nina.

NINA
Thank you, George.

GEORGE
You shouldn't look this beautiful.  It's not fair to the bride.

FRANCK
Cars is here!  Matthew, front and center!

MATT
Just kidding.

NINA
What did you do to your hair, honey?

MATT
I gelled it.  You don't like it?

NINA
Oh no, I think it looks...cool.

GEORGE
Very debonair, old boy.

MATT
Thank you.

NINA
Okay.  We'll go in the first car and you and Annie follow.
GEORGE
Right.

NINA
George.

GEORGE
Oh, I follow.  Ann!  Annie?

ANNIE
I'm ready.  Come on in.

GEORGE
You look beautiful.

ANNIE
Thanks.  Okay.  Let's get this show on the road.

SCENE 37

GEORGE
We're here!

NINA
Oh!

ANNIE
Hi!

HOWARD
Come on, everyone.  I need the ushers first.

NINA
George!

GEORGE
Left together, right together.

MATT
Got it, Dad.

GEORGE
Let me see that.

MATT
See?

NINA
Let's do this, okay?  I love you.

ANNIE
I love you, too.

HOWARD
Mother of the bride...father of the bride...we've got to go.

NINA
George?

HOWARD
Let's go.  Line up.  Mother of the bride?  Come on, mother of the 
bride.  Here we go.  I'm opening the doors.  Natashia, haven't you 
peeked enough?  Here we go.  Come on, let's go.  
And...left...right...very nice...Right and left...Right and left...

GEORGE
(VO)
This was the moment I had been dreading for the past six months.  Well, 
actually for the past twenty-two years.

ANNIE
Hold on, Dad.

GEORGE
(VO)
Annie overwhelmed me.  She was as calm and cool as I had ever seen her.  
Very unBanks-like.

ANNIE
Okay.

REVEREND
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together in the presence of 
family, friends and loved ones, for the purpose of uniting in 
matrimony...

GEORGE
(VO)
All I could think of was the part I had to play.  Then suddenly I went 
blank.  I had one line and I couldn't remember it.  When the Reverend 
said, "Who presents this woman?" was I supposed to say, "That's me" or 
was it "I do"?  I couldn't think.  I felt every eye in place boring 
into the back of my neck, waiting for me to screw up, when suddenly, it 
was upon me.

REVEREND
Who presents this woman in holy matrimony?

GEORGE
I do.

REVEREND
Annie and Brian, you have come here today to join your hands...

GEORGE
(VO)
Who presents this woman?  This "woman."  But she's not a woman, she's 
just a kid.  And she's leaving us.

REVEREND
...with the deep realization of it's obligations and responsibilities.

GEORGE
(VO)
I realized at that moment that I was never going to come again and see 
Annie at the top of the stairs.  Never going to see her again at our 
breakfast table in her nightgown and socks.  I suddenly realized what 
was happening.  Annie was all grown up and leaving us, and something 
inside began to hurt.

REVEREND
"I, Brian MacKenzie..."

BRIAN
I, Brian MacKenzie...

REVEREND
"...take thee, Annie Banks..."

BRIAN
...take thee, Annie Banks...

REVEREND
"...to be my lawful wedded wife."

BRIAN
...to be my lawful wedded wife.

REVEREND
"To love and to comfort from this day forward."

BRIAN
To love and to comfort from this day forward.

REVEREND
"I, Annie Banks..."

ANNIE
I, Annie Banks...

REVEREND
"...take thee, Brian MacKenzie..."

ANNIE
...take thee, Brian MacKenzie..."

REVEREND
"...to be my lawful wedded husband."

ANNIE
...to be my lawful wedded husband.

REVEREND
"To love and to comfort from this day forward."

ANNIE
To love and to comfort from this day forward.

REVEREND
The ring, please.  "With this ring, as a token of my love and 
affection, I thee wed."

BRIAN
With this ring, as a token of my love and affection, I thee wed.

REVEREND
"With this ring, as a token of my love and affection, I thee wed."

ANNIE
With this ring, as a token of my love and affection, I thee wed.

REVEREND
By virtue of the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you husband 
and wife.  You may kiss the bride.

GEORGE
(VO)
Well, she did it.

SCENE 38

GEORGE
(VO)
And now as my son said, it's time to party.

SCENE 39

GEORGE
Hi.  How are you?

MAN
Congratulations.  

GEORGE
It's good to see you.

WOMAN
You look wonderful.

GEORGE
(VO)
The house was busting at the seams.  Everywhere I looked there were 
faces.  Most of which, I might add, I'd never seen before.

JOANNA
George, I'd like you to meet the Danish relatives.

GEORGE
Hello!

GEORGE
(VO)
I met Brian's Danish relatives who thanked me profusely for flying them 
over.  Everyone was telling me what a great party it was.  How 
beautiful the house looked.  They loved the flowers, the hors 
d'oeuvres, the swans.  We even seemed to be getting away with only two 
parking attendants.  Everything was running smoothly except for one 
small detail.  I still hadn't kissed the bride.

GEORGE
Where's Annie?

NINA
Annie?  She's having her picture taken.

GEORGE
Hi Ben.  How are you?

PHOTO-
GRAPHER
Okay kids, look at each other.  Very nice.  Now, turn towards me, 
please.

WAITER #1
Sorry, sir.  All traffic has to go through the front door.

GEORGE
Oh, could I have one of those?

WAITER #2
Sorry, just sold my last one.  Hey, a button.  It's navy.  This must be 
yours.

WAITER #3
We're moving into the tent now.  Dinner is served.  This way to the 
tent, please.

GEORGE
Annie!

GEORGE
(VO)
It was unbelievable.  I had never seen a line form so fast.  It was as 
if they knew what the food was costing me.  Finally, I made it into the 
tent.  I was ready to relax and taste the food I had been hearing about 
for the past five months when...

MATT
Dad!  Dad!  There's some cops out front and they want to talk to you.

GEORGE
Cops?

FRANCK
I heard.  We'll handle this together.  I've got  George.  We're on our 
way.  Come on George, pick it up...pick it up.

SCENE 40

FRANCK
Let me handle this, George.  Give me your wallet.

GEORGE
Stop!  What is this?  

MATT
See Cameron?  I told you.

CAMERON
Wow!

OFFICER
Is this your house?

GEORGE
Me?

OFFICER
Yeah, you.  In the blue tux.

GEORGE
Yes.  Yes it is.

OFFICER
Do you have a permit for parking two hundred cars on this street?

FRANCK
You see, the problem is, Officer, we were supposed to have four parking 
attendants, but uh, two got the flu.

OFFICER
Well, you better get these cars off this street before the Fire 
Marshall gets here.

FRANCK
Fine.  Fine.  Any suggestions on what we do with them?

OFFICER
I don't care what you do with them.  Just have them off this street 
within the next thirty minutes.

FRANCK
Will do, Sir.  We'll take care of it.  You're not to worry.  Okay?  Oh, 
uh George...they need me inside.  The big moment.  The cake is being 
wheeled out.

GEORGE
I'll...I'll handle it.  Where are we going to get a couple of extra 
drivers?

CAMERON
By the way, great wedding, Mr. Banks.  And don't worry.  I didn't eat 
anything.

GEORGE
That makes two of us.

SCENE 41

ANNIE
Where is he?

NINA
I don't know.

SCENE 42	George realizes that he has to turn off all of the car's 
headlights.

SCENE 43

GEORGE
(VO)
Well, I had to admit it.  The wedding appeared to be a complete 
success.  Now all I needed to make me happy was a dance with the bride.

HOWARD
It's time.

BAND-
LEADER
Ladies and gentlemen.  In a just a few moments, Mrs. Annie Banks-
MacKenzie will be tossing her bouquet in the foyer, and then she's off 
to Hawaii.

GEORGE
(VO)
This I was not going to miss.  The mob was headed through the living 
room, so I decided to take a shortcut.

SCENE 44

ANNIE
Where's my Dad?

BRIAN
I don't know.  I haven't seen him.

ANNIE
Should I throw it?

NINA
He missed it.

GEORGE
(VO)
She was gone.  My Annie was gone and I was too late to say good-bye.

SCENE 45

GEORGE
(VO)
When the last guest was gone and the last glass of champagne had been 
drunk, we surveyed the damage.

GEORGE
It's funny how empty a house can suddenly get, isn't it?

NINA
I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to say good-bye to her, George.

GEORGE
Oh, that's all right.

NINA
But you know, I think that she's going to be really happy.

GEORGE
Oh yeah.  Sure.  (On telephone):  Hello?

ANNIE
Dad?

GEORGE
Hi!  Where are you?

ANNIE
At the airport.  Our plane's about to take off, but I couldn't leave 
without saying good-bye.  Thank Mom for everything, okay?  And Dad?  I 
love you.  I love you very much.

GEORGE
I love you, too, Sweetheart.  Thanks for calling.  And have a great 
honeymoon.

ANNIE
Thanks.  I will.  Bye.

GEORGE
That was Annie.

NINA
Oh.

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